He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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