if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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