I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
