Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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