I want to have your abortion
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
