I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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