Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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