I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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