Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Never underestimate the power of titties
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