How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
