JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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