Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
