i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
