youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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