If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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