a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
