If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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