I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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