4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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