New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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