Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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