I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
