We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
