I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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