he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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