never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
