My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
