He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
