What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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