are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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