Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
