I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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