my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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