My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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