God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
