so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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