guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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