Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
