You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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