A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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