The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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