Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
