If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
