my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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