Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize