Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
