Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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