we made out on top of his cat.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
