So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
