I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
