Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
