You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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