jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
