I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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