he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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