Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
