Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
