yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
