he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want her autograph on my taint
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
