she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
