Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
