Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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