unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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