Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
