He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
