just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
