I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am one with the molecules
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
