i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
