Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
