By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
