i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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