Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
